Representing the Mess

Today I continued working on yesterday's art page, and finished it.  I went a bit crazy with my spray inks, and also used acrylic paint, paper scraps (including snippets of Psalms 136 and 139), and watercolor crayons and pencils.  I quite like the messiness of it, because it represents the utter mess that I am right now.

There is significance to the distinguishable elements of the page.  The small face in the bottom right corner is meant to be me in the early days after losing Eve, when I was numb and unable to feel very much.  The half face on the top right represents the anger of my grief, and the remaining face represents the feeling of my deepest pain.  The bird represents Eve, who I have come to think of as "my little sparrow."  And the question -- well, that kind of question is always on my mind these days.   

Who am I, this mother without a child?  What am I?  Who am I becoming? 

I hope God knows what He's doing, because I definitely do not.  I'll just keep feeling and crying and praying and stumbling about until my vision clears a bit and I realize where He's leading. 

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
      you formed me in my mother's womb.
   I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
      Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
      I worship in adoration—what a creation!
   You know me inside and out,
      you know every bone in my body;
   You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
      how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
   Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
      all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
   The days of my life all prepared
      before I'd even lived one day."

~ Psalm 139

**In other news -- the widget for my Etsy shop that is usually at the top of the right sidebar is not working.  I've reinstalled the code, but it still doesn't show up.  Does anyone know if Etsy Mini is malfunctioning, or how to get mine working again?  In the meantime, visit my shop here.